More than a Mummy – Reclaiming My Identity As a Woman
Mother; wife; blogger – it’s been a long time since I’ve thought of myself as just ‘Kate’. I’m not complaining – I love my life more today than I ever have done in the past. And yet… I do sometimes consider how little room there is in my life for anything else. Should I be more than a mummy and half of a marriage?
Usually these types of posts are about how ‘there’s more to me than XYZ’, and ‘I need to make more time for myself and my hobbies’, etc. This is a little different. Because somehow, those things which are not supposed to define me, kind of do – and actually, I’m pretty content with that.
I don’t resent the fact that my first priority, always, is my daughter (and will soon also be our second child); I’m not bitter that my husband comes a close second to my babies; and I do not feel aggrieved that the rest of my life revolves around my business. (When my husband reads this I know he’s going to query that he’s in front of the blog. Oops.)
See, before my life was filled with these precious, meaningful loves, it felt like something was missing. And they’ve all, in their own ways, ‘saved me’:
My husband first, at a time when I was vulnerable and unhappy, gave me security and unconditional love. Then our daughter arrived and gave me a reason to turn my back on the negativity I’d carried for so long – I was determined to give her a happy, positive upbringing. And finally, my blog was born and took up every spare space left in my head, rescuing me from the tedium that seems so often to go hand in hand with PND. (I did suffer terribly with anxiety following Pixie’s birth, but the combination of the above factors all helped pull me through the other side.)
So this post is definitely not about bemoaning my lot. However, I definitely take less time over my appearance now – though I do still use make up daily (ain’t nobody needs to see my bad skin and dark circles).
I just don’t always pull a brush through my mane. (Tying hair back hides a multitude of sins.)
I make absolutely nothing of my hair these days, despite being fortunate enough to have healthy tresses which make my poor hubby jealous… Approximately two weeks before my husband and I met, he shaved his head (not literally thank god – clippers) because he was paranoid he was thinning (he wasn’t noticeably in my opinion). Ever since, we’ve had an ongoing in-joke about my baldy and his authority on hair loss advice. But in all seriousness, he would love to have curtains again. I know, I know…
Which is why, following my hubby’s request for a hairband to tie back Pixie’s hair at the weekend, I found it so funny when I discovered our daughter like this:
The reason? Not because she does nothing but resist having her hair touched (I think most toddlers are the same?). Nope, in fact because he discovered his complete inability to use a hairband for its intended purpose – so on the first warm, sunny day of the year, he’d stuck a winter hat on her head instead to keep the locks out of her face!
Despite my lack of interest in my own hair, I’m determined to encourage Pixie to find a style which suits her and is something she can realistically manage as she grows up, because I never really had that. And since I became a mum, I’ve not even found the time to get a regular trim or dye over the increasing grey. I think I just about get away with it – but not for long… The one concession I’ve made is mixing up the ‘mum bun’ with a simple ponytail. I know, wild, right?
Confession time: Pixie has never yet had a haircut either – though the true reason is not a lack of care on my part but the complete opposite: once her hair is cut for the first time, my baby is gone forever!
She’s excited to do it though. So, before this second baby arrives, I’m going to treat myself – and her – to a proper cut and style. I know already that I won’t maintain mine, but at least it will allow me to combine two of my greatest loves: quality time with my little girl and some lovely Instagram-worthy shots. Sorry hubby…
This is a commissioned post.