Planning, prepping, primping, perfecting; anxiety, nerves, excitement, jubilation; all of these will be experienced in the run-up to your nuptials. Not to mention on the day itself: when you finally make it to the morning of your wedding, the butterflies will be nearly overwhelming. So, as you take a breath amidst the mayhem to sip your Prosecco and see all your months of hard work come together, it’s almost a relief.
When the moment comes for you to take one last appraising look in the mirror at your best self, before going to meet your hubby-to-be, the magnitude of the occasion will sear your soul.
Overwhelming, or Overwrought?
Or perhaps it will just feel incredibly surreal, and kind of like a dress rehearsal for the real event.
And then make you feel weird for being so dressed up at such an early hour of the day when you’re only going to see your best bud who you live with, and happen to be going on your hols with tomorrow. And – oh god: it’s actually your honeymoon, because this isn’t just popping out for brunch with your favourite friend – in fact it’s making some pretty epic promises to him. For the rest of your life. That are legally binding. In front of ALL your friends and family – and those legal people. But first you have to walk up the aisle without stacking it on your four inch heels, and you’ve already necked two glasses of bubbly on a near-empty stomach! (See point seven here regarding the wisdom of this, and number four here for ideas on how to avoid any potential mishap.)
Hmm, best stick with the romantic notion of the former.
So anyway, yes – it’s important to take that moment to collect yourself before making your big entrance, lest you become overwhelmed by the sheer momentousness of the occasion. I feel that accurately summarises the point I was expressing so eloquently, no?
Once you have got past the scary poignant service and exchanged your vows, you can begin to properly relax and enjoy the day. Although saying that, you’ll most likely be aware from weddings you have attended as a guest, you have first to endure the photos…
Of course there will be a small narcissistic part of you that will enjoy being the centre of everybody’s universe for one day, particularly while posing in your finery to the occasional murmurs of ‘isn’t she beautiful’, and ‘I’ve never seen such a stunning bride’.
However, trust me, it wears thin: you’ve been anxious all day, and now that you can relax, all you want is (another) glass of champagne (yep, get your priorities right – prosecco for the minions; bona fide bubbles for yourself at this point – you’ve damn-well earned it). Alas, the photographer is on a schedule, the venue’s kitchen staff are on a schedule, and you and your spouse will be the rope during their game of Tug o’ War. Your guests will (faux?) patiently mill around, ‘ooh’ing and ‘ahh’ing – and disappearing to the bar or the loo just at the precise moment they are required.
And all the while you will be plastering on a big smile, and desperately wishing for the next half hour to hurry along so you can finally kick back and unwind properly.
(And then berate yourself for wishing away such an expensive and special day.)
Relaxation and Elation
So by the time you are sitting and finally, finally enjoying your much-anticipated wedding breakfast, you can surrender to the joy and excitement – and relax. From here on in, it’s all about enjoying the day you have eagerly awaited for so long. Seriously! I promise no more cynicism. It’s your wedding day after all, and the majority of it truly is a spectacular experience. You have the speeches to look forward to (cringe); the greeting of the many guests (a few of whom you have never met but are obliged to speak to nonetheless – blah); the first dance (all eyes on you – dread). And finally the cheeseball disco – now we’re talking!
Consummate Sexpectations: The Wedding Night Secret
My aim was to demonstrate a degree of the mixed emotions that your nuptials will bring; but more so, the exhaustion which inevitably follows such a rollercoaster day. And yet – when you finally slope off to your extravagant and exorbitant bridal suite with your hubby, you have still to experience a night of passion and pleasure. HAHAHA.
At last, we reach the object of this post: if you are anticipating hours of conjugal bliss (I’m not referring to the kind characterised by snoring and a lack of consciousness) – think again.
Of course, there’s always the possibility that you are one of those couples who have married early (within two years of meeting) and that that particular aspect of your life is still totally thrilling. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll prove me wrong and enjoy the most incredible carnal knowledge of each other yet!
But for the rest of us, who have lived with one another’s quirks and foibles for several years or longer, it ain’t never gonna happen. And that’s okay – that’s what being married is about. You have the rest of your lives together (remember that legally binding contract!) during which to relish every aspect of married life.
So don’t beat yourselves up if it doesn’t happen. Instead of planning the perfect seduction of your new husband in your perfect wedding night lingerie (and being fixed on the idea that this is the only perfect ending to your big day), rather the wisest move is to take any pressure and expectations off yourselves before the event. And then if sparks fly – wonderful. But if they don’t?
Collapsing in bed and crashing out, whether it be from exhaustion or inebriation, is not a failing of your wedding day.
It is simply another expression of your commitment to spend your lives together, and as such Mr Right doesn’t need to be Mr Right-Now, if you get my meaning. Besides which, your honeymoon is designed specifically to guarantee you have all the time in the world to make up for any missed shenanigans on your wedding night. Surely leisurely and sober romance in beautiful surroundings trumps a contrived tradition any day of the week? (Or night, we don’t judge!)