As a mum to two small people, I understand all too well the need for me-time and a little self-care; we give up so much for our little people, and of course we do it gladly. But it’s haaaaaaard.

And sometimes it nice to be reminded of the person we were pre-children – a woman with tastes and dignity and hopefully even a little class.

Today is not a happy day for me right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be over it by the time I finish the coffee I’m inhaling whilst typing this post out – but I’m a bit disappointed. Okay, a lot: I was invited to a blogger event tonight by my lovely friend Amy, and I’ve been so excited about it. Only when I checked which train we needed to get (Elfin doesn’t leave me yet, obvs), I discovered that there’s a rail replacement service running.

I may sound pathetic – I blimmin’ feel it! – but it all got too much. Travelling alone at night with a small baby made me feel vulnerable. I had overcome that angst so I could do something just for me, but the spanner in the works (no pun intended – I don’t know what’s wrong with the locomotive) has put paid to my plans: The thought of an unfamiliar train station and multiple changes just felt too stressful.

Of course, there’s also the guilt that I’ve let my friend down, something which I hate doing.

 

Vulnerability as a Woman and Mother

Despite having previously worked and lived (alone!) in London, travelled at night on the tube, walked the streets of the city past midnight – and generally been quite foolhardy – I no longer have that fearlessness.

It’s not just about me anymore and I have too much to lose.

The thing is, I don’t want to be a martyr – I want, as far as possible, to live my life around my children. With them for the most part, obviously; but I never want to resent them because they prevented me from doing fun things. So with careful planning and my husband’s support I was vaguely anxious – but mostly just excited to be going to catch up with my blogger friends.

I’ve worked to overcome irrational anxieties which plagued me during my twenties, such as driving long distances to places I don’t know; and so I feel not only disappointed but also a little bit mad at myself for allowing the fear to creep back in. My hubby assures me that on this occasion, I should embrace the feeling of being vulnerable because it’s warranted.

There are many times when I’ve had to explain to my husband that vulnerability as a woman because I just don’t think it applies to men in the same way. For example, I won’t take my car to be washed by a group of men. Silly? Perhaps. Unnecessary? More than likely. But I bet I’m not the only one. Luckily my hubby is very understanding and I *think* he got it in the end. So for him to be relieved at my decision does at least make me feel validated. (Amy, if you’re reading, wishing you all the luck in the world tonight, Sweetheart, and I’m so sorry not to be there.)

Nonetheless, I’m incredibly frustrated that after four months of (hopefully) being (an approximation of) Supermum, still I don’t get my night out.

It wouldn’t even have been a night off; but it would have been something.

And we all deserve that, so while this Cinderella will not be going to the ball, I do think today is as good a time as any to share this fantastic giveaway I’ve been saving up for the ladies in the run up to Christmas. I’m thrilled to be teaming up with Arabel Lebrusan to gift one lucky reader a beautiful pair of drop earrings worth £195!

Inspired by classic lace patterns, the abstract design of the Lace Drop Earrings instantly adds glamour to your night outfit. Sterling silver, plated in 18ct gold – and completely stunning!

For your chance to win, simply enter below!

Vulnerable as a woman

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Would you be comfortable travelling with a baby in London at night?

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Feminism

An award-nominated blogger and author, Kate is an experienced breastfeeding advocate, and expert baby sleep chaser. Her writing has appeared on Mothercare, Huff Post, and BritMums.

153 Comments

  1. Kayleigh Watkins Reply

    No I wouldn’t personally but I don’t really know the area, just the bad press it has received but terrorism can happen anywhere xXx

  2. tara clover Reply

    No, I am not comfortable on my own so definitely not with a baby

  3. I would never travel back on the train from London past rush hour. Baby or no baby. I must have bait written all over me because I attract every weirdo, stalker going. I’ve alwaya lived by the motto better to be safe than sorry when it comes to travelling. Always buddy up. Text each once you are home if you are the last one left in the cab. Designate a driver. I’m so lucky that I’ve been with hubs all this time and he’s always been around to chauffeur me if I’m stuck.

    So sorry you’ve had to miss tonight. I know what you had planned. Would’ve been such a great event.

    Next time huh. Public transport our way is total shite tbf! It’s the one thing that makes me wanna move back towards London. X

  4. Caroline Hunter Reply

    To be honest, I don’t feel comfortable in London at any time. Therefore, the answer is definitely no!

  5. Sue McCarthy Reply

    I wouldn’t want to be in London on my own at night let alone with a baby, unless I was travelling by taxi

  6. fiona waterworth Reply

    Done it in the past, but nowadays it would need to be an emergency and even then by a trusted cab firm

  7. Leanne Hansell Reply

    I would not be happy travelling in London at night with a baby.

  8. ruth robinson Reply

    no i wouldnt iv been twice i like it and its such a big place and i wouldnt take my baby out at night in london

  9. Giuliana Britti Reply

    London has changed so much and it doesn’t feel as safe as it used to me so I would definitely not take a baby.

  10. Michaela Hannah Reply

    Yes, i have always travelled around with children from birth so it wouldn’t bother me

  11. Graham Ross Reply

    No ,there are parts I wouldn’t even go in during the day

  12. Heather Brannan Reply

    No, too risky. Your baby is precious cargo and the uncertainty of being out at night alone with your baby is too worrying.

  13. Corinne Wright Reply

    I don’t think I would no. I worry enough on my own when I’m out in the dark as it is.

  14. Lorna Ledger Reply

    Central London yes, It depends on Public Transport and Wifi links, also how well lit it was

  15. Wendy Becker Reply

    I,m a Londoner & never had any issues but then i,m a male

  16. Yeah I’d have absolutely no problem doing that if I had to. I’d obviously be savvy as to which area I’m in of course, but I’d do that baby or no baby. I’ve lived in big cities all my life though. They’re not as scary as you may think.

    Bummer about missing the event. Totally get why you wouldn’t want to do a million train transfers though. Hope you get your night out soon.

  17. Stevie Fairbairn Reply

    I don’t think I’d be comfortable. Only in an emergency.

  18. Judy Kennedy Reply

    yes if I know my route. When i look around it’s the young men i fear for as they are more likely to be the victims of crime and I feel sorry for them at times.

  19. mandydoherty65 Reply

    Not on my own with a baby I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all

  20. Isabell Whitenstall Reply

    No I wouldn’t really take a baby anywhere at night.

  21. Shirley Evans Reply

    I wouldnt feel comfortable being responsible for a baby at night.I am quite wary myself

  22. Ruth Harwood Reply

    I would like to think so, but it all depends on whereabouts in London!

  23. I wouldn’t be happy travelling around London at night with a baby – in fact I wouldn’t be happy travelling around London on my own at night.

  24. I don’t know to be honest. Probably not. Mostly because I was mugged in London as a teenager so I guess I have those memories there to scare me.

  25. melanie stirling Reply

    No I wouldn’t but I don’t go anywhere on my own and I avoid cities wherever possible.

  26. Sadiyya Maryam Reply

    Aww, you have my total emphaty. I have lived in London since marrying my husband and we travel a lot abroad due to his work. We moved back to London when our daughter was 10 months old. And I really struggled when out and about on the tubes with a pushchair and baby in tow especially when venturing in unfamiliar places especially in the evening. If we had to go I would be so anxious that I wouldn’t enjoy it. I’m so glad your husband understands, mine couldn’t fathom when before I could do all this and now I am cautious. It does get better the older they get and more independent.

    • Thank you, I felt so frustrated with myself! But ultimately the pay-off of fun was just not worth the risk and effort involved. It’s not forever, this time will soon pass – all too quickly no doubt!

  27. Sarah Carter Reply

    I think I would be fine travelling with a baby at night time in London xx

  28. Ruth Wollerton Reply

    It would depend how I was travelling and where I was in London. But generally probably not.

  29. katrina adams Reply

    I don’t think I would feel comfortable travelling alone in London at night, with or without a baby! Perhaps I’m just really paranoid or have watched too many TV shows but I just don’t feel safe.

  30. Natalie Crossan Reply

    No, never have been – I don’t even like it on my own!

  31. Claire Elizabeth Noke Reply

    Sadly no. I wouldnt feel safe travelling in London during the day either though.

  32. Hayley Elvin Reply

    Not really as I don’t know the area. I’m happy travelling at night in my own city with a baby, but I know which areas to avoid.

  33. Ann-Marie Gould Reply

    i don’t even feel safe in London at night let alone with a baby

  34. Victoria Polson Reply

    I don’t think that one counts as an irrational anxiety. You feel vunerable as a woman anyway, travelling at night and even more so when you have your baby, who you want to protect with you too. I would feel very uncomfortable. I’m glad your husband was understanding, and I hope your friend was too. It wont be long until you get your much needed night out!

  35. Christina Palmer Reply

    No I wouldn’t feel comfortable. It is unsafe to travel alone at night anywhere so I definitely wouldn’t do it with a baby

  36. I lived in London and occasionally had to travel at night with my little one. I had no problem with it other than wanting to get her home for bed as soon as possible.

  37. Rachael O'Brien Reply

    I don’t think I would . I’d be worried about pollution, germs/diseases, kidnapping and people bumping buggy as they always in a rush . I took my son to winter wonderland with his older sisters when he was 16 months and on the tube , was scary as hell with buggy !

  38. barbara clarke Reply

    having lived in london with a small child i wouldn’t travel at night but i was lucky enough to have a great babysitter so never really had to

  39. Kevin Cannon Reply

    I would be comfortable – more so than if i were travelling alone

  40. Rebecca roberts Reply

    No definitely not when I was younger yes but fears bumped up the older I get

  41. Not really no, I wouldn’t want to travel anywhere with a baby at night

  42. nikki easton Reply

    No I wouldn’t, but that’s not a reflection on London, but a reflection on myself. I never like to travel late with my little one unless I have to. her good routine starts early at home. I would have no worries travelling with an older child. ?

  43. No, it’s too busy and I don’t like travelling when it’s too busy with our baby. Don’t feel safe, not just London but everywhere else.

  44. elaine stokes Reply

    if I had planned my journey properly yes I would, and also depends on which parts of london

  45. Rebecca Howells (@Peanuthog) Reply

    Beautiful earrings. No I wouldn’t. I don’t even like some areas when I am alone.

  46. Carly Belsey Reply

    Definitely not, I fear going to London whenever these days but at night I would be especially fearful

  47. Leanne Perrett Reply

    i dont like travelling anywere at night when i have a baby with me

  48. Claudia Carroll Reply

    I might feel a little nervous but it would depend who I was with. If with my partner, no. On my own, yes.

  49. JULIE WARD Reply

    No, but its not just London, I don’t feel 100% in an airport either

  50. Paula Cheadle Reply

    it depends where in London I am, also who I am with, attacks could happen anywhere, cities, countryside etc, you cannot be sure where you are safe today

  51. Amy Briscoe Reply

    Yes I would, I would be sensible enough not to go to any dodger areas. It’s down to me to protect the child and myself

  52. I don’t think it matters what time of day or night you are out in London, I would feel the same regardless of the time and yes I’d be fine with it

  53. Kristin Burdsall Reply

    No i dont feel i know my way round well enough to be comfortable

  54. Deborah Clarke Reply

    No. I wouldn’t feel comfortable travelling on my own at night nevermind with a baby .

  55. leeanne clifford Reply

    No, not at all. In all honesty though I wouldn’t be comfortable traveling anywhere with a baby at night unless I was driving or in a car with a friend

  56. Serena La Pietra Reply

    No problem at all, I wouldn’t go to any where high risk but I would happily go about my business.

  57. Kay Broomfield Reply

    If I had my husband with me then yes, otherwise I think I’d find the pace a bit too hectic!

  58. Ali Fanstone Reply

    No but I wouldnt want to be travelling with a baby anywhere at night I’d rather be at home in bed

  59. Clare Davies Reply

    no not really but a baby out at night can be a grump little sausage like my son was!

  60. Depends how late and where about i was in London and who else is with me, dont think i would be that brave after 9pm without someone else being with me as i dont know London very well

  61. I’m obviously a bit odd because my answer is that yes, I would. I think this may stem from having spent my teenage years and a large part of my adult life in the Middle East, where I found that when I had my children with me I was not harassed the way I was when I was alone.

  62. Michelle Wild Reply

    No even during the day it’s dodgy. I had my son on the tube he was 2 or 3 he knew which stop we had to get out at but it was so crowded and no-one moved for us. He dashed out through legs and I was left holding his hood as the tube pulled away. All turned out ok but it was a nightmare scenario and could have gone the other way.

  63. Adrian Bold Reply

    I wouldn’t be happy travelling in London at night with a baby.

  64. Tracey Suzie Anderson Reply

    I most definitely would NOT feel comfortable travelling at night in London with a baby x

  65. no, I suffer with massive anxiety anyway and I think being in somewhere I’m unfamiliar with and at night time would leave me feeling worse.

  66. To be honest im not comfortable travelling in London as an adult so wouldnt be happy taking a baby

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