If you’re reading this blog post, I’m going to wager that you’re not one of those brides who is looking forward to a big weekend with the girls almost as much as you are the wedding itself. Were you one of those brides, it would pretty much be a foregone conclusion that a ‘Sten’ would not even be on your radar: you and your significant other would be doing your own things, very much separately (and that perhaps the girls would be giving the boys a run for their money in terms of speech fodder).

Perhaps your priority is not going away with your mates for those final blowout shenanigans, but rather planning your wedding, and – more so – preparing for your marriage. In which case, how then do you decide whether you should have a typical hen do and allow encourage him to have a stag party, or whether to buck tradition and have a joint ‘sten’?

There are several questions you should ask yourself, and once you have given these fair reflection, the answer should become quite apparent.


What Does Your Partner Want?

Whether you like it or not, this must form part of your deliberations. If your partner is adamant either way, it probably makes sense to concede, particularly if you do not have strong feelings one way or the other. If, however, you have fiercely opposing ideas, it is imperative that you use this time to figure out how you can reach a compromise that you are both content with.

It will not only leave you more comfortable in this specific situation (hopefully), but it will also stand you in good stead for your marriage when similar issues arise (they will).


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Do You Have Children?

If so, this might influence the sort of night/weekend/holiday that you each plan: it may be slightly less appropriate for your hubby-to-be to wake up naked on a train at the other end of the country when you are at home with the baby, for example. Maybe, in these conditions, a family ‘sten’ would be more reasonable. Or perhaps it will make it an absolute necessity for you to have your much-yearned-for night away from it all; it matters not, so long as you are both on the same page.

Sten, Hen, Stag, wedding


Do You Share Friendship Groups?

Perhaps the most pertinent issue: if you segregate the boys and the girls, will you each be excluding half of your friends from your revelries? Is this acceptable to you both given the circumstances? If you agree that to bar one sex would take away something from your celebrations, then shun tradition and have a joint bash! (If you saw innuendo here, let me save you the trouble of reading further – I suggest booking yourself a stripper and being done with it.)


Do You Trust Your Partner?

I’ve saved the biggie for last. But pay attention ladies, this is really very simple: if the answer is anything other than a resounding yes, you should probably reconsider your impending nuptials. Harsh but true – if you are in this for the long haul, you must have faith in your partner. This may sound simplistic but the fastest way to sabotage your own marriage is to ignore a serious issue like this.

A sten is not a sticking plaster for bigger problems between you and your other half. While there is still time, invest in your relationship and talk things through until any doubts completely subside.

To assuage any doubts you may be having about whether tying the knot is right for your partnership, have a look at this checklist to help you decide whether you should get married.



An award-nominated blogger and author, Kate is an experienced breastfeeding advocate, and expert baby sleep chaser. Her writing has appeared on Mothercare, Huff Post, and BritMums.


  1. Kate Reply

    Yes exactly! We had separate events but in hindsight wish we’d got all our mates together! I think the whole concept is quite dated myself.

  2. Kate Reply

    Oh bless him, sounds like a good’un! It’s things like that which make special occasions memorable! ? x

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