Hen Do or Hen Don’t: Should You Have a ‘Sten’?

Should you have a sten party? Is it a good or bad idea? Let’s take a look…

What is a Sten Party?

Firstly, for anyone who’s not come across the term before a sten do, or a hag and sten party, is basically where the hen and stag parties join up to celebrate together at a single event.

But what are the pros and cons of this unconventional arrangement?

If you’re reading this blog post, I’m going to wager that you’re not one of those brides who’s looking forward to a big weekend with the girls almost as much as you are the wedding itself. If you were, it would pretty much be a foregone conclusion that a sten party wouldn’t even feature on your radar: you and your significant other would be doing your own things, very much separately. And perhaps the girls would be giving the boys a run for their money in terms of speech fodder!

Perhaps your priority is not going away with your mates for those final blowout shenanigans, but rather planning your wedding, and – more so – preparing for your marriage. In which case, how then do you decide whether you should have a regular hen do and stag party, or to buck tradition and have a joint ‘sten’?

Should You Have a Joint Sten Party?

Ask yourself the following questions to help you decide the best option for your circumstances and relationship…

What Does Your Partner Want?

Whether you like it or not, this must form part of your deliberations. If your partner is adamant either way, it probably makes sense to concede, particularly if you do not have strong feelings one way or the other. If, however, you have fiercely opposing ideas, it’s imperative that you use this time to figure out how you can reach a compromise you’ll both be content with.

It will not only leave you more comfortable in this specific situation (hopefully), but it will also stand you in good stead for your marriage when similar issues arise (they will).

Do You Have Children?

If so, this might influence the sort of night/weekend/holiday that you each plan: it may be slightly less appropriate for your hubby-to-be to wake up naked on a train at the other end of the country when you are at home with the baby, for example.

Maybe, in these conditions, a family ‘sten’ would be more reasonable. Or perhaps it will make it an absolute necessity for you to have your much-yearned-for night away from it all.

Do You Share Friendship Groups?

Perhaps the most pertinent issue: if you segregate the boys and the girls, will you each be excluding half of your friends from your revelries? Is this acceptable to you both given the circumstances?

If you agree that to bar one sex would take away something from your celebrations, then shun tradition and have a joint bash! (If you saw innuendo here, let me save you the trouble of reading further – I suggest booking yourself a stripper and being done with it.)

Do You Trust Your Partner?

I’ve saved the biggie for last. But pay attention ladies, this is really very simple:

if the answer is anything other than a resounding yes, you should probably reconsider your impending nuptials. Harsh but true – if you are in this for the long haul, you must have faith in your partner. This may sound simplistic but the fastest way to sabotage your own marriage is to ignore a serious issue like this.

A sten is not a sticking plaster for bigger problems between you and your other half. While there’s still time, invest in your relationship and talk things through until any doubts completely subside.

To assuage any doubts you may be having about whether tying the knot is right for your partnership, have a look at this checklist to help you decide whether you should get married.