I Wish I’d Known THIS Before I Got Married

Or, not known exactly, because of course I KNEW – it wasn’t a secret after all. But considered, ruminated, cogitated. I wish I had mulled over and appreciated this prior to getting spliced. Here it is:

Once you’re married, you’re, you know…MARRIED.

If at this point you are wondering what the heck ramblings you’re reading, allow me to expand…

We love to have things to look forward to – it’s why we go and book our next holiday even before our tan fades from the last one. As kids and then as teens, we’re always rushing towards the next milestone, barely pausing long enough to enjoy the current rite of passage. And the biggie for us girls, of course, is getting engaged. Naturally, finding a decent partner is up there; but it’s the proposal we most desire.

In fact, like it or loathe it, whereas engagement was once a promise of marriage, oftentimes it is now a destination in itself: to be engaged is no longer simply the precursor to matrimony, it’s an institution all of its own.

Impatient for a Proposal, aka Anticipation

We speed headlong towards The-Most-Exciting-Event-Of-Our-Life. And yep, when we fiiiiiiiinally get there – well, it is pretty darn exciting. But as a grown adult woman with three and a bit years’ marriage under my belt and a toddler to boot – do you know what else I’ve discovered is exciting?

Anticipation.

It may not be popular, but it’s true; and I’m going to put forward Anticipation’s case. #GiveAnticipationAChance

We hasten towards weddings and babies with such urgency – probably because our generation has not been taught the concept or value of patience – and then something unforeseen happens. We forget in our eagerness that once we’ve crossed that finish line, the race is complete: it’s all over. It all becomes a bit same-y; sometimes even a jot tedious.

Only marriage is not the sprint we seem to treat it as when hurtling towards a gorgeous, dazzling sparkler and beautiful, lavish wedding gown. It is, in fact, a marathon; and it only ends when one of you either shuffles off this mortal coil, or concedes defeat. As with the proper training of a long distance runner, it’s essential you pace yourself – or you run the risk of burning out too early. (Pun intended, I love a pun.)

So What Happens After You’re Married?

Indeed. Well, then you have to be a grown up. You have to make your marriage work. Or, of course, risk it not working.

In my analogy, preparing for a race is akin to nurturing your relationship. And if you fail to do either, the end result is the same: you will not accomplish what you set out to do.

You know what they say about runners? Once they’ve completed a race, they should immediately sign up for the next, to maintain their motivation and give them an incentive to train. But if there are no more big life events and there is no incentive to continue taking care of your marriage?

Well, what you’re left with has to be enough.

Appreciate the Adventure, Your Journey is Short

So, if it’s not too late for you, employ some patience. Don’t hurry life – it passes by so quickly. Enjoy the process. My daughter is teaching me not to cruise through our days with such haste – you miss so much that way.

Of course having goals and aspirations is worthwhile and commendable. But in your quest for the next big experience, remember to sometimes just focus on the present.

Turn your face up to the sky and taste the rain; notice every drop and be humbled; then grab your child’s hand and splash in the puddles with them. These are the moments that will form their most precious memories.

And if you’re not a parent yet, that’s okay – nieces and nephews work equally well.

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