I Wish I’d Known THIS Before I Got Married
Or, not known exactly, because of course I KNEW – it wasn’t a secret after all. But considered, ruminated, cogitated. I wish I had mulled over and appreciated this prior to getting spliced. Here it is:
Once you’re married, you’re, you know…MARRIED.
If at this point you are wondering what the heck ramblings you’re reading, allow me to expand…
We love to have things to look forward to – it’s why we go and book our next holiday even before our tan fades from the last one. As kids and then as teens, we’re always rushing towards the next milestone, barely pausing long enough to enjoy the current rite of passage. And the biggie for us girls, of course, is getting engaged. Naturally, finding a decent partner is up there; but it’s the proposal we most desire.
In fact, like it or loathe it, whereas engagement was once a promise of marriage, oftentimes it is now a destination in itself: to be engaged is no longer simply the precursor to matrimony, it’s an institution all of its own.
Impatient for a Proposal, aka Anticipation
We speed headlong towards The-Most-Exciting-Event-Of-Our-Life. And yep, when we fiiiiiiiinally get there – well, it is pretty darn exciting. But as a grown adult woman with three and a bit years’ marriage under my belt and a toddler to boot – do you know what else I’ve discovered is exciting?
Anticipation.
It may not be popular, but it’s true; and I’m going to put forward Anticipation’s case. #GiveAnticipationAChance
We hasten towards weddings and babies with such urgency – probably because our generation has not been taught the concept or value of patience – and then something unforeseen happens. We forget in our eagerness that once we’ve crossed that finish line, the race is complete: it’s all over. It all becomes a bit same-y; sometimes even a jot tedious.
Only marriage is not the sprint we seem to treat it as when hurtling towards a gorgeous, dazzling sparkler and beautiful, lavish wedding gown. It is, in fact, a marathon; and it only ends when one of you either shuffles off this mortal coil, or concedes defeat. As with the proper training of a long distance runner, it’s essential you pace yourself – or you run the risk of burning out too early. (Pun intended, I love a pun.)
So What Happens After You’re Married?
Indeed. Well, then you have to be a grown up. You have to make your marriage work. Or, of course, risk it not working.
In my analogy, preparing for a race is akin to nurturing your relationship. And if you fail to do either, the end result is the same: you will not accomplish what you set out to do.
You know what they say about runners? Once they’ve completed a race, they should immediately sign up for the next, to maintain their motivation and give them an incentive to train. But if there are no more big life events and there is no incentive to continue taking care of your marriage?
Well, what you’re left with has to be enough.
Appreciate the Adventure, Your Journey is Short
So, if it’s not too late for you, employ some patience. Don’t hurry life – it passes by so quickly. Enjoy the process. My daughter is teaching me not to cruise through our days with such haste – you miss so much that way.
Of course having goals and aspirations is worthwhile and commendable. But in your quest for the next big experience, remember to sometimes just focus on the present.
Turn your face up to the sky and taste the rain; notice every drop and be humbled; then grab your child’s hand and splash in the puddles with them. These are the moments that will form their most precious memories.
And if you’re not a parent yet, that’s okay – nieces and nephews work equally well.
Like this? Please share with someone else you think will appreciate it!
Andy - My Magic Name
January 10, 2016 at 10:04 amBeautifully written. You have a gift for writing.
It makes a lot of sense, I will be sharing this post with my partner for sure, she’ll appreciate this. Plus I love jumping in puddles, and it wouldn’t look so bad if I had my own child to do it with!
Note to self: But don’t rush it!
Kate
January 10, 2016 at 9:18 pmThank you, Andy! Very kind. I hope your partner takes something from the post (though if I’d read this when I was waiting for my proposal I’m not certain I’d have appreciated it at the time!)
As for puddle jumping, I’m with you. There’s little else in life that measures up to the delight and glee in your baby’s face that first time: pure magic.
Don’t rush it. But don’t leave it toooo long either. 😉
ljdove23
January 15, 2016 at 11:40 pmI love this! So very true and you express it so beautifully. ❤️
Kate
January 16, 2016 at 9:32 pmThank you for your lovely compliment! I’m glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂 x
justsayingmum
January 20, 2016 at 9:11 amOh this was a beautiful post to read and the essence of what you say is so true. I always try to remember that the present is a present so treat it as such and enjoy it for what it is. Thank you sharing this post – i’ll go and look at some more of your blogs too. Happy Wednesday #BloggersClubUK x
Kate
January 20, 2016 at 5:06 pmThank you, glad you liked it! I hope you find some more posts you enjoy too. Have a fab evening x
Emma
January 20, 2016 at 9:52 amAll very true and it is important to be reminded of this so thanks for posting 🙂 #bloggersclubuk
Kate
January 20, 2016 at 4:58 pmI’m glad you enjoyed the post, Emma. 🙂
Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love)
January 22, 2016 at 10:18 amLove this post – so true that marriage is a marathon and not a sprint. I remember being very impatient for my husband and I to get married – he kept me waiting eight years before he finally proposed and in hindsight I’m glad he did. By the time he proposed, I was much more patient and in the process of waiting had reflected a lot on whether it was getting married that was more important than being with him (and decided that being with him was what really mattered and marriage would be the icing on the cake). A lot of the hard work still came after getting married though and I think we’ve learned a lot about patience, enjoying the moment and good communication – and still continue to learn! Focusing on the present is good advice for parenthood too! Great post, thank you for sharing 🙂
Kate
January 22, 2016 at 6:01 pmGosh, I was SO impatient to get engaged and married! And at the time, I don’t think anything would have persuaded me to relax and take things more slowly. It’s ironic that (probably) it takes getting a few years down the road to truly appreciate the value of taking some time and enjoying the anticipation. Such is life!
Have a lovely weekend. ?
Becky, Cuddle Fairy
January 25, 2016 at 9:16 pmThis is the best advice! Don’t you wish you could import this wisdom into your child’s mind for them? It’s the kind of wisdom you don’t have until you have experienced life for awhile. Enjoying the journey & freedom you have as a young person is often lost. Thanks so much for linking up with our first #BloggerClubUK, we really appreciate your support & hope you will be back again this week x
Kate
January 28, 2016 at 6:55 pmOf course! So many things I’d love to plant in her little brain to stop her repeating our mistakes! I’m sure my parents thought just the same though… x
Something Crunchy Mummy
January 25, 2016 at 9:32 pmThis is so true. I love it. #bloggersclubuk xx
Kate
January 28, 2016 at 6:55 pmGlad you enjoyed, thanks for commenting x
Fi - Beauty Baby and Me
February 15, 2016 at 10:27 amFabulous post and so honest and true! Marriage isn’t always easy but enjoying and learning from the journey makes it what it is xx #bigpinklink
Fran
February 15, 2016 at 10:45 amYou re so on point. I really enjoyed this blog. I got married recently and While i savoured every minute of our months engagement is all went so fast. thanks for sharing this #bigpinklink
Fran
February 15, 2016 at 10:45 amYou re so on point. I really enjoyed this blog. I got married recently and While i savoured every minute of our 6 months engagement is all went so fast. thanks for sharing this #bigpinklink
Sarag
February 15, 2016 at 11:05 amI think 7 years is enough waiting haha. The fact we’ve got a rascally 4 year old has tested us to the limits hopefully we’ll be good for the long haul post-canapés 🙂
#bigpinklink
Pink Pear Bear
February 15, 2016 at 3:58 pmThis is so true. I’m almost eight years into it and it definitely requires work…and patience!! I also love a good pun! #bigpinklink
Emilie
June 21, 2016 at 6:20 amSo true! I absolutely loved my wedding day, it was perfect but a part of me is sad that it’s done now. I’ll just have to renew my vows every ten years or something :-p
Kate Tunstall
June 23, 2016 at 10:10 pmI totally get that! I’d love to do it all over again… Ah, memories. ?