First-time mom tips and advice to help you prepare for motherhood and enjoy it in those beautiful but baffling early days.
First-Time Mom Tips I Wish I’d Known As a New Parent
I have two children now, no longer babies. There are many parents who seem to believe this alone qualifies them to lecture parents-to-be about the right (and wrong) and best ways to parent.
That’s not quite what this is, because that’s not at all what I believe, anymore.
Think of this more as some friendly advice, it’s what I wish somebody had told me when I was expecting myself.
17 Best Tips For New Moms and Dads
…Which you’re welcome to ignore by the way!
Feel free to cherry pick from below what works for you, and discount the rest, no hard feelings.
Here’s everything I’ve learned that actually matters for new parents – my best advice, that may have genuinely helped me as a new mum…
1. Top Tip For New Motherhood
Don’t listen to other parents’ warnings.
How many friends have ‘jokingly’ asked you if you’re sure you know what you’re doing in reference to your expanding stomach? It happened so frequently to me that I began to panic, because of course I didn’t.
Where I’d initially been excited, I started to feel anxious.
But the truth is that there are good and bad days. It’s like nothing you’ve ever known, and it will bring the highest highs and the lowest lows in a veritable roller coaster of emotions.
But one thing all parents will agree on is that it’s worth it.
2. Advice For Caring For a Newborn
Nobody knows your baby better than you.
Pretty early into your parenting journey you’ll discover that all that well-intentioned but ultimately unsolicited advice of your family member, neighbour, and even your sister? Kind of irrelevant.
Nobody has parented your baby before.
Keep in mind that having a baby only makes the parent an expert on that specific baby.
Any piece of advice is applied to a specific baby and a specific parent – and does not apply to you and your situation.
By all means listen to the suggestions and bank them as ideas. But keep in mind that having a baby only makes the parent an expert on that specific baby. Even then you’ll often find in your own situation that what works today won’t work tomorrow.
And if you have a second baby, you’ll appreciate exactly how true this is when number two rejects every solution that ever worked with your first!
3. An Unwelcome Piece of Advice For New Parents…
All the baby equipment in the world won’t prepare a first time mom.
I hate to say it, but nothing can prepare you – literally or figuratively.
You can have every gadget going, but when you’re dealing with a poonami, no technology in the world can save you from the undignified mess you’ll be faced with.
That’s a pretty good analogy for so many parenting woes actually. Having a new baby is often a messy affair and there are some (many) things that can’t be fixed with a product or a price tag.
Likewise, I can tell you how it felt for me when I gave birth to my daughters, or what it feels like to adult on five hours of broken sleep. But to truly get it, you have to experience those things for yourself.
And while we’re on the subject of baby equipment – with one or two exceptions, the vast majority of products are about as useful as the birth plan most of us disregard when our contractions ramp up!
Call me cynical, but I don’t think it’s outrageous to suggest that a lot of newborn baby essentials have been produced in order to monetise the pain points of new mothers.
4. Reassuring Advice For a New Mum and Dad
Falling in love with your baby may take some time.
Know this is normal for very many parents.
This is a bitter pill to swallow, but the reality is that in no other situation would you be expected to spontaneously develop profound feelings of love, the depth of which you’ve never previously experienced.
Especially not for a little bundle that doesn’t even acknowledge you, except for the sustenance you can provide – let alone show any appreciation for all of things you do for them.
Know this is normal for very many parents.
When you consider the hormones flying around, the depleted energy levels, the sleepless nights, the enormity of having produced a brand new human being – it’s really no wonder. And it’s definitely not anything to feel bad about.
In almost all cases, if it’s not an immediate rash of love, it will develop gradually, before engulfing you in a tidal wave of emotions.
Read these 50+ encouraging mom quotes.
5. Important Advice For New Mamas
The baby blues are very real for first time moms.
Speaking of which, when that tidal wave arrives, it will crash over you.
If you’re anything like me, the nice nursing assistant offering you a cup of tea will be the only cue you need to descend into ferocious and unstoppable sobbing.
Note: if this continues past the first week, mention it to your healthcare provider in case it’s a more serious case of postpartum depression or any other underlying mental health issues.
6. Sad But True Advice For New Mothers
You won’t know who you are.
It will happen so slowly you won’t even notice at first. And then one day you’ll wake up and realise you’ve become ‘Scarlett’s mum’. That is now your identity.
A whole new level of fatigue that has nothing to do with the bone-tiredness you’ll feel.
You have no concept of personal likes and dislikes; when it comes to clothes, there is only dirty and less dirty.
Autonomy will become a wish you didn’t know had previously been granted, because you only miss it once it’s no longer yours. You won’t be able to eat when you’re hungry, or sleep when you’re tired, or go to the bathroom without an audience.
It’s a whole new level of fatigue that has nothing to do with the bone-tiredness you’ll feel.
This is all normal, and it will pass.
7. A Tip Worth Knowing For New Parents
Your relationship will suffer as a first-time parent.
One of my husband’s greatest fears when we embarked upon the messy road to parenthood.
I told him it could only make me love him more.
Nice sentiment; very naïve.
You relationship will never be quite the same. But if your foundations are strong and you can weather the sh*tstorm of becoming new parents, you’ll come back stronger than ever.
As your family grows and you have older children, you’ll start to enjoy romantic weekends away again, during which you’ll rediscover each other.
8. A Tip For First Time Moms
You’ll find out who your friends are.
Everybody will visit to see a first-time mom and the newborn. As they start to get older, those visits will dwindle.
When the second baby comes, the novelty will have decreased further. And by the third? You’ll be lucky to receive a card.
Those who are left by the time your littlest one outgrows the infancy stage are the ones you can count on to still be your best friend in old age.
9. …And it Will Be Those Who Have Kids Already
A reason, a season, or a lifetime – and the reality is that in very many cases, the reason is the kids.
They’ll be thrilled to hear from you.
It’s probably even something you’ve been guilty of yourself in the past – as circumstances change, friendships evolve. Or don’t.
The good news is that those who you may have drifted away from when they became parents may return to your life. Reach out to them, they’ll likely be thrilled to hear from you.
Just take their inevitable advice with good humour and a large pinch of salt.
10. Important Advice Regarding Taking Care of the Baby
You’ll have days when you worry you’ve made a mistake.
Another source of unnecessary guilt. On the days you’re having a hard time and suspect you may be failing at the most important job you’ve ever had you might wonder if you’re cut out for this. And (sorry) I promise you those days will come – there’s no such thing as the perfect mom, despite what Instagram would have you believe.
You may even fantasise about how your life might have looked had it taken a different path.
Every single time I do this, I always circle back to how empty my arms would feel.
Trumps everything, I promise.
Although I won’t pretend I also know that I’d be less tardy, more tidy, and probably quite a bit better off too.
And I’d get way more sleep.
Still…empty arms. Trumps everything, I promise.
11. Self-care is Vital for a New Mama
When you find yourself feeling that way, it’s vital you carve out some time for self-care:
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
It’s a cliché but we all know they’re true. And taking of yourself as a priority will help you to be a better mom.
12. Remember This Top Tip For New Moms!
Take reams of photographs in the early days.
At some point, especially if you have a difficult delivery with your first baby, you’ll start to feel like you blinked and missed it. You’ll wish you could re-live it.
Everybody says you should make the most of the baby days. And I have a problem with that…
It’s sort of true, but with a huuuuge great flaw: we already do.
Don’t feel bad for not making enough of it.
The time will always feel both too long and too short. We already know we should make the most of it – without being reminded – and we make the best of it that we can, when we’re on our knees with sleep deprivation and frustration.
Don’t feel bad for not making enough of it. You’ll do the best you can in very difficult circumstances, the same as the rest of us.
So take reams of photographs for nostalgia, because enjoying those hazy newborn days is best done retrospectively, when you’ve slept and are feeling wistful.
The little things are the big things.
(Oh, and be sure you’re in those photos too. Your children won’t notice the bags under your eyes or the baby weight. They’ll just want to see the important things: how loved they were and how much fun you had together. Don’t deny them this vital piece of their history over some perceived flaws that made you a mother.)
13. Advice For New Fathers and Mothers
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Don’t engage in that game with your peers. Especially not on social media where everything is fake anyway. It won’t make you happy but it might become a genuine source of anxiety.
Keep in mind that the little things are the big things, and focus on that.
14. Tips For First Time Mamas
Breastfeeding is wonderful. Unless it’s not.
Disclaimer: I’m a huge nursing advocate. You’ll find lots of information and advice about it on this website, mostly from the perspective of breastfeeding through allergies.
But the fantastic benefits of breastfeeding are quickly undermined if they’re to the detriment of the mother’s physical or mental health.
If you have problems, see a lactation consultant as early as possible.
15. Advice For First time Moms and Dads
Breast milk is liquid gold!
Speaking of which, the magical properties of breast milk can be used to treat many different ailments including:
- Acne
- Nappy rash
- Conjunctivitis
- Cradle cap
- And more!
Note: if your infant has skin problems, you may want to check out our post about the differences between milk rash vs baby acne.
16. Try This Brilliant First-Time Mom Hack…
If you’re suffering from lack of sleep and you’re not up for sleep training, try my simple sleep solution to help everyone get more rest!
This works perfectly for those moms still breastfeeding at night.
17. The Best Tip to For All New Parents
If there’s no problem, there’s no problem.
As an extension to the above point, the best thing I can tell you is that if you’re okay with your situation, then there is no problem. Don’t allow anybody else’s opinion to influence that.
Second guessing yourself too often occurs as a direct result of somebody else interfering in an otherwise harmonious environment.
Baby up all night? If that works for you because you both sleep soundly in the day – more power to you. You don’t need a sleep schedule. Eventually, sure, but in the beginning it’s about surviving.
So whether it’s infant feeding, (inadequate) baby sleep, or anything else – be confident in doing things your own way that works for your family, even – especially – as a first-time mom.
I hope you found these to be helpful tips. And if you didn’t, I hope you find your own way that works for your family!