This week my husband and I celebrate ten years together. A decade – which means that when we got together that length of time was nearly half my life! It seems like quite a momentous milestone (we’re celebrating with a child-free night – the first time I’ll have left Elfin overnight!); so I thought I’d give you my tips on how to make a marriage work, with my top one being taking your partner for granted. I’m joking, I wouldn’t presume for a second to have all the answers, and in the grand scheme ten years is a mere blip. But the other bit is sort of true and because it’s kind of a big deal for us, I decided to put together this alternative love letter.
So, do I actually take my husband for granted? In a word, yes.
But so does everybody really, up to a point. When you leave the house in the morning, do you ever have genuine fear that your other half will not be there when you return home (I’m not talking about the fear of dinner alone with the kids turning into feeding time at the zoo because they’re working late); do you ever truly worry that they will choose not to come back? Or that they’ll get hit by a bus, etc? Because if you don’t, then you also take your significant other for granted.
Taking Your Partner For Granted Is Not Always a Bad Thing
Of course this is a healthy way to live, in fact it’s the only way to live unless you’re prepared to invite severe anxiety into your home (I don’t recommend it – been there and it’s not fun). The fact is that something could go wrong in your relationship, but to feel that on a daily basis has a name: insecurity.
Instead, I acknowledge it occasionally, and thank my lucky stars for my husband’s patience and generosity.
He has been there through some of the greatest challenges of my life, and since the moment we first got together, he has been my steadfast champion and supporter. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an eejit at times, but he’d definitely say the same about me (he’d be wrong of course).
I read something recently that resonated with me, but in the most positive way. It’s an article about the disproportionate mental load one half of a partnership takes on (often but not always the female). And it spoke to me because I realised that though I’ve had this exact issue in my marriage in times gone by, I don’t any longer.
When I started working so much that I literally couldn’t do everything, even before my business became profitable, instead of dismissing my dedication as a waste of time my superstar hubby stepped up so that I felt some pressure lift. I was able to continue putting the hours in to build something which has become a source of fantastic experiences for our family and, over time, an income too. But perhaps most importantly of all, also a cathartic release for me from the very beginning.
So yes, I take my rather wonderful husband for granted by relying on him completely to have my back and never leave us, by trusting him implicitly to continue living this crazy sleep-deprived life with me – because I couldn’t function otherwise. But I also appreciate him and try not to lose sight of how fortunate I am to have somebody who loves and accepts me the way he does and always has.
Happy anniversary my love – ten years since we met and six years since we married (we wed on the anniversary of the date we met).
Here’s to the next decade; may it feature much fun with the family – and many more dates sans babes, just for us.