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There’s No Such Thing as a Hungry Baby

Even as I write, I question the wisdom in penning this post. But it’s been a tough day (tough six months if we’re being honest), and I just can’t not any longer. I’ve kept it in for more than three years now and I finally need to let it out. So here it is: a cluster feeding newborn is normal. Do formula fed babies cluster feed in the same way? It depends. Either way – THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A HUNGRY BABY!

Or, there is – but only in the same way that there’s such a thing as a tired baby or a good baby, ie. it applies equally to them all. Allow me to explain…

Every breastfed baby will go through cycles of cluster feeding to regulate milk production; this is normal and explained in more details in my post where I bust some breastfeeding myths.

Hungry Baby

To give you a very quick overview, breastmilk works on a supply and demand basis, so when your baby cluster feeds, it is because they need more (often due to a growth spurt).

To suggest some babies are more hungry than others does a disservice to breastfeeding mothers and their efforts to nourish their babies.

When mothers are misinformed about breastfeeding and how the entire process works, it can lead to inaccurate assumptions that they’re unable to keep up with their babies demands, ie. their baby is too hungry to be breastfed. 

So, You Think You Have a Hungry Baby?

Did you breastfeed, but then your baby started waking to see every single hour of the night?

Me too. I still breastfeed.

Did you breastfeed, but then your baby started wanting to feed almost constantly for two hours?

Me too. I still breastfeed.

There's no such thing as a hungry baby. Suggesting otherwise undermines the efforts of breastfeeding mothers.

Please Stop Talking About Hungry Babies!

I know it’s hard, nursing a cluster feeding newborn can be exhausting: it’s my life and I live it day in, day out, as do many other women. It’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. But please do not undermine the mammoth undertaking we commit to by suggesting that our babies are less demanding than others, because in most cases that is simply not true.

I’m not looking for pats on the back or to have my hand held in order to continue feeding. I do it because I believe it’s best for my baby and I choose to. But I cannot help but want to scream every time that flippant comment is made to me, in relation to another woman’s choice to not breastfeed.

It is her choice, and she’s free to do what works best for her and her family. But it’s really unhelpful to suggest that any mother who perseveres with breastfeeding is only able to do so because she has an easier baby.

It’s demoralising and plain unsupportive.

Breastfeeding a Cluster Feeding Newborn

Do Formula Fed Babies Cluster Feed?

Cluster feeding usually refers to breastfed babies who feed on demand; formula fed babies can also cluster feed, but because they’re most often fed on a schedule instead of on demand it’s less common. Since breastmilk is more easily digested than formula, breastfed babies will require more frequent feeds than formula fed infants, who tend to take more milk at greater intervals.

So if you’re wondering whether switching from breast to bottle will ease the exhaustion that comes with nursing a cluster feeding newborn, the answer may very well be yes. But that doesn’t mean that your baby is hungrier than average. Your baby is normal and doing exactly what they’re designed to do.

Why I Despise the Term ‘Hungry Baby’

Every mother who breastfeeds has days when she is fed up with it because it hurts, or because she has blocked ducts, or she’s on her knees with exhaustion, or she simply craves some autonomy. If she continues in spite of these things, it’s through sheer determination – and that deserves recognition. I recognise you ladies: you’re doing a brilliant job and this is for a short time only. Keep up the great work.

Hungry Baby - Do Formula Fed Babies Cluster Feed Too?

I accept that where I’ve heard this is largely from a generation who were not well-versed in breastfeeding, and it may be that there’s now a better understanding of the mechanics and concepts surrounding it. However, given the insinuation of using the term ‘hungry baby’ – which is far from sisterly – I have to wonder where the need to effectively diminish a mum’s efforts stems from. I suspect defensiveness. And actually, I struggle to sympathise with that.

Call me harsh, but while my own hungry baby has me up Every. Single. Hour of the night, I just can’t find the energy to console them too.

Sally

Friday 14th of June 2019

I think a lot of people have a lot of opinions on everything baby. We should just learn to support each other and just let each other decide what is right for our children, no matter what. Good on you for persevering.

Kathleen

Tuesday 19th of February 2019

I’m having a hard time with the comment you made saying that not breast feeding IS a choice I did everything I could to exclusively BF my LO and I couldn’t do so. From breastfeeding vacations to pumping every hour and power pumping 5x a day I couldn’t produce enough milk for her. Sometimes the choice isn’t yours I would do anything to be able to exclusively breast feed but it’s just not possible.

Kate Tunstall

Saturday 6th of April 2019

That's not quite what I said. In this instance, I'm talking very specifically about situations where women stop feeding *because* their baby is 'hungry'. The comment is often made in the context of some babies being more demanding than others. It's unfair because in most cases that's simply untrue.

This post has nothing to do with those who have tried and been unable to breastfeed.

All breastfed babies are demanding at times. Some women accept that while others make excuses when they're not prepared to give themselves over to what their babies need. That's fine, that's their choice. But let's not undermine the selflessness of those who still continue anyway, in spite of it being tough.

Kaelin

Wednesday 20th of February 2019

I agree with you. I’m on baby #3 and have wanted nothing more than to exclusively breastfeed each of my babies but that hasn’t been the case. I have done everything imaginable to make it work but I have never been able to produce enough milk. I applaud any mom who does whatever is best for their baby no matter what that may look like. Breastfeeding/supplementing/formula fed, every mom who does their best to make sure they’re child is healthy and thriving should be praised ❤️ it’s all hard, having a baby is hard, raising a child is hard, let’s stop making mom’s feel like less for making the decisions they make for their children and start supporting and lifting each other up no matter how different our paths may look.

Amy

Monday 23rd of July 2018

I appreciate you’re opinion and would never judge another mother. My son is 5 months and our journey has been a difficult one for both of us. He was born 3 weeks early and jaundice so getting him to latch was hard. I went to the lactation clinics and he just couldn’t do it. By the time I left the hospital I was pumping and giving him that. I exclusively pumped for 3 weeks. By than he was taking 4 oz a feeding and I couldn’t keep up so we added formula. I went back to breastfeeding with the help of LCs and thought we were doing well. I had 2 infections but kept going, only giving a formula bottle at night. Yes I felt proud I was finally doing it. Than, at his 4 month appointment he had hardly gained weight from 2 months. I felt devastated. I had asked people in groups for help and only got negative feedback that I shouldn’t be giving any bottles if I wanted to be better at breastfeeding. I struggle every day not being able to feed my baby. Now when I pump I only get .5 oz at a time. If I breastfeed him he is literally starving. I am disappointed we are in a time when you get such negative comments while looking for help. I will continue to give him the one bottle of pumped milk i can get and feel proud for that. I am doing my best and I think that’s all that matters.

Kate Tunstall

Monday 23rd of July 2018

Can I start by congratulating you on your baby boy, and also for persevering so hard with breastfeeding.

For what it's worth, I've had a lot of difficulties with both my babies which you can read more about in other articles on the blog if you're interested. With my eldest, she was early and tube feed initially, with my youngest she had an allergy which made my milk poisonous to her until I cut dairy out of my diet. Both of them struggled with latch and my youngest had silent reflux due to her allergy. It was hellish got a while in both cases. So I understand.

It's important that those who don't know are made aware that what women are able to pump does not always (rarely) equate to what a baby can drain from the beast. It's a complex process including hormones and a baby latching will therefore yield more than a piece of plastic can. In your case it definitely sounds like latch could be relevant; has he been checked for tongue tie?

It's equally critical that those who are not aware understand that breastfeeding works on supply and demand, and therefore introducing bottles can be counterproductive. I expect that's what peers were trying to impart, but it's unfortunate if they went about it in a way which upset you.

Doing your best is what matters, of course. The purpose of my post is not to bash women like you! It's actually not to bash anyone, it's more in support of us nursing mums who persevere no matter what, and that includes you.

Tania

Sunday 22nd of July 2018

I have three children … one 21, another 18 and …. a 12 week old ! ( little surprise !!) All three I have breast fed – all three I have slept with ( and still do – the older ones – on days where things have been a little tough to take for them ) Sleepless nights are due to the idea that your babies sleep away from you – and yet there isn’t a mammal on earth that sleeps away from their young – except us ! Both my girls weened themsleves at 1 year – the little one now will feed for as long as he wishes ( well within reason – I think there comes a time ……!!) and all the people that said they seem to feed an awful lot – aren’t they hunger blah blah blah just don’t get it ! I trust my body and theirs to know better than our minds do and to all mums out there doing this – thank goodness …. it’s sooooooooooo so so wonderful and how to bring about true contentment even in the face of total exhaustion !!! Xx

Pam

Sunday 15th of July 2018

You are brave and admirable for writing this article! This is how I’ve felt for a long time. I’m now expecting baby 4, I bf all 3 of my kids but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My first was a preemie and I had flat nipples. He was in the nicu and I could only hold him for 30 min every 6 hours so if I wanted him to receive breastmilk, I had to pump. Many times I was threatened that if I didn’t pump 3oz, they’d give him formula even though he was 5.5 lbs and couldn’t eat the full 3oz every 3 hours anyways. From there it only got worse; he refused the breast after all those fast flow bottles, and when we did start bf, 3 months later, he had a shallow latch and my nipples cracked, I developed thrush, had plugged ducts many times, mastitis twice and even an abscess that I needed to have surgically drained. I bf him 18 months and enjoyed the last year of it and he weaned on his own when I was 35w pregnant with his little sister. She was smoother- full term babies are easier than preemie babies, and my nipples had corrected a bit from all that pumping and nursing. I bf her until she was 2y 4m which over lapped 6 months with my 3rd baby, a lovely little boy. He was a biter- or rather a slicer. Hed slice my nipples and they would pour blood down my body if he wasn’t latched. At around 14m i noticed that his poop was always black and took him to the dr. It tested positive for blood and my dr did blood tests to check my iron levels and his. Mine were a 2 (surprised I could even stand up without falling over, I was so anemic) and he was 326. Basically dr said I could actually give him iron poisoning. By that point I was more than ready to be done anyways although my goal was always 18-24m… 15 had to suffice in his case. My nipples had had enough and I needed to replenish my iron stores! I’m hoping that I will have a happy and uneventful bf journey with baby 4 but I know that is unlikely. This momma is ready for anything. While I will say I respect other moms decisions to quit bf and try not to judge, but when I hear things like “I wanted to get my body back so I stopped bfing”, or “I switched to formula at night cuz I wanted my baby to sleep thru the night, now he/she only want formula, so I stopped bf” or “I wasn’t able to bf”.. my heart hurts a little. I think most women who choose to quit haven’t had enough support. They say lack of support is the #1 reason why women stop bfing and I truly believe that. I definitely persevered through more than most, but I also had access to midwives, a doula, a free bf clinic, the internet, books, bfing sister, cousins, and friends, and a very supportive husband.